The end is near

So, my time as a nanny is coming to an end......again...
I'm kinda sad about it this summer. Perhaps because the end was supposed to be at the end of August, and now, I have 9 days of work left. I will officially be unemployed on August 15. Someone actually suggested I go back to Esso...

It's been a good few months with the kids. We've had a lot of fun together (I think anyways), and I'm going to miss hanging out with them.

This job definitely has it's challenges...I'm not exactly a high quality entertainer...and now, in light of being done so soon here, I feel as though I'm being challenged. This job is not about me, how I'm feeling, how crazy I think I'm going...it's about loving these kids. I feel challenged to move beyond me, to not try and rush through each game of Crazy Eights Countdown, or Dominos, or making crafts, but to do these for them, to enjoy the games.

I'm thankful to have had a job that I can hang out with kids and play games all day. I can't imagine what I'll be like in the real world...stuck in an office type setting all day??? No games, no bike rides, no Starbucks coffee dates with a 6 year old, no crafts...

Maybe I should just listen to all the people telling Cody and I to have a baby....or on second thought.......

A little ACDC???

I'm on the phone with my grandma right now, the slightly crazy one, and she is commenting about how she quit going to the church down the street because the priest was a little "ACDC".

Hmm...

On my mind...

I feel full of thoughts today...
In a lame attempt to sort them out, I have turned to my blog. Indeed...this will be a lame attempt.

I'm struggling today with the whole concept of "gossip". In no way am I claiming innocence to this act. There are days when I gossip unknowingly, days where I justify it as "well, I really care for this person" or "I just need to talk this out", and days where I am fully aware of what I am doing, the implications that it could potentially have, the harm it could do, yet I do it anyway.

Gossip: idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others
Idle Talk: talk of no real worth, importance, or significance

Idle talk? How much time do I spend talking about things that have no real significance, importance and are of no real worth? I'm scared to answer that question. It's probably far more time than I want to admit. What scares me even more...I know I have come along way since the 'ol junior high days. Are we so scared to be vulnerable, to talk about the things that are important in life, to open ourselves up to someone else, that we feel we need to talk idly, to spread rumors, to share the latest tidbit of someone elses personal life? Do we feel the need to spread gossip about others to validate that we are a somebody? That we are in "the know"? Are we that afraid to be ourselves that we can only communicate with one another through gossip?

Am I that afraid to be vulnerable and to be myself?

I don't want to engage in idle talk. I want conversations that speak truth in love, that are uplifting and encouraging, that are honest and real; that reflect the character of Christ.

Maybe I am that afraid to let go, to be totally vulnerable and to be myself...God help me not to hide behind idle talk and gossip.

(Silly me, forgetting to reference my definitions. Those would be taken from www.dictionary.com, mainly because I don't own a dictionary...actually, maybe I do? Either way, I'm too lazy to get up and look for it...)

Interesting...

Perhaps I am becoming a little bit too "used" to the idea of being a "stay at home wife". This is my second day doing this. Husband is off to work...I stay home and putter. Believe it or not, I'm doing laundry, tidying the house, doing dishes, baking cookies, planning tonight's meal...
and I'm actually enjoying it...

It's official...

Facebook has approved my request for a name change...you may now call me Mrs. Anderson.

One of the things I am most afraid of is that I will be like my grandma. Even scarier...I think I can be at times.

I had such a great day today...finalized the food aspect of the wedding, spent some good time with Cody, spent some time with the flower girl, finally found some good black pants, I finished knitting a toque...it was a great day.

Then I get home, and it's like a switch turns off in me. All of a sudden I'm all down and depressed sounding/looking, I don't want to do anything, I'm short with people whom I love...I really don't know what it is that comes over me.

I think part of it is that I'm scared to move out of my home. I've lived here for 23 years; I don't know how to leave this place, leave this town, leave my neighbours, leave my family. I don't know how to live in the city, where it's loud and unfamiliar, where I don't know my neighbours. I don't know how to leave this place that has meant so much to me.

All the wedding plans are coming along great, and everything is pretty much done, and honestly, I'm not at all stressed about the wedding. I'm a home body. I'm fully aware of that. I think the whole "moving out" is affecting me in more ways than I know.

A lot of changes are happening within 2 weeks of one another...I'm overwhelmed...

And now...

3 weeks later, I will update the world once again with the going on's of Dana:

1. I AM DONE SCHOOL.
2. I am half done knitting a baby sweater
3. I only have to make 37 more party favors for the wedding.
4. My sister bought me a cute shirt, just because she wanted to.
5. I have 2 shifts left at the ol' Esso.
6. I got dust in my eye, and it has been allergically reacting since Saturday.
7. I put 6 holes in the bathroom wall, only to hang the towel bar 3 inches higher.
8. I had my hair trial.
9. I wrote my Psych exam in 12 minutes.
10. I went to and actually enjoyed a social.
11. I picked up my wedding dress.
12. I went to the Olive Garden.
13. I ran for 20 minutes and wanted to die.
14. I was in pain for 3 days after running for 20 minutes.
15. I had ice cream at the BDI with some good folks.
16. I bought a coat, then felt guilty about spending money, so returned it.
17. I got Starbucks instead....a couple of times...