ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lent...

I always gave up candy as a kid.

These past few years I have given such little thought to the idea of lent. I haven't gone to an Ash Wednesday service in I don't even know how long, I think I've been to one Good Friday service in the past 3 years, I haven't given anything up in a long time...I do manage to make it to the Easter Sunday service...and the family dinners.

I don't know what it is. I seriously thought about giving something up this year...but just never decided what it would be, and before I knew it Ash Wednesday had come and gone. And I did not attend.

What's different about this year though is that I've actually been thinking a lot about it. I've almost been feeling guilty that I haven't given anything up. Maybe it's not too late...if I could only think of something.

I suppose I could add something to my life for lent. Like read my bible. Also something I haven't done in a LONG time. I feel like I just can't commit...maybe that's my issue. Commitment. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to do something. I want to do it because I WANT to. And reality is, I just don't want to read the bible. As terrible as that sounds to come out of the mouth of a christian.

I think I just have a lack of care these days for my spiritual journey. Actually, I know that's the case. I just don't care. Which isn't a good place to be.

Maybe I should read my bible because I HAVE to. Maybe that would be the step towards doing it because I want to...I don't know.

Sometimes I wish it was as simple as giving up candy again. No other thoughts to go along with it...just don't eat candy for 40 days, then pig out on Easter morning. But it's not that simple...

And I pounded back a bag of Easter ju-jubes last week.

i found this. it was part of an argument cody and i had, and apparently i thought it was funny enough to write down so i'd remember it:

Cody: What is your issue?
Dana: I just want to be wooed.
Cody: How do you woo someone for 80 years?
Charlie: BAHHHAAAAAAAAA
Dana: Figure it out.
Cody: Ok, I'll try.
Dana: Ok...I like presents.
- latest argument

oh charlie...

we had quite the day yesterday didn't we little guy...
you were grumpy, so you napped in the morning.
because you napped in the morning, you did not nap in the afternoon.
because you did not nap in the afternoon, mommy did not get her rest.
because mommy didn't get her rest, she was quite impatient.
because mommy was impatient, she started to get grumpy.
because mommy was grumpy, she started to get really tired.
because mommey was tired, she put you to bed a little bit early.
because she put you to bed early, you decided to wake up at 11:30pm.
because you woke up at 11:30pm, mommy woke up too.
because mommy woke up, she was a little choked.
because mommey was choked, she brought you to her bed so you could fall back asleep.
you didn't.
so daddy brought you back to bed.
you fell asleep, but woke up AGAIN at 2:00am.
because you woke up at 2:00am, mommy was really grumpy.
because mommy was really grumpy, she got mad at daddy.
because she got mad at daddy, she stomped out of her room to get you.
because she went and got you, you and her had a perfect cuddle time.
because you had a perfect cuddle time, all was forgotten.
even how tired i am this morning.

i love you charlie.

brrr.....

So, I am not TOTALLY naive in thinking that once March 1 came, it would be all spring-like and stuff. But I was not expecting mid-January winds and wind chills. It's enough to make me want to go to Mexico.

Who am I kidding... -1 would be enough to make me want to go to Mexico.

I know myself pretty well I'd say...

Well...I knew it.

I had fun.

It was such a great afternoon at Camp Arnes. Once we got settled there, and all bundled up, Cody and I packed Charlie up in a carrier and headed out for a leisurely cross country ski. Leisurely...turns out we took the 'long' trail. Just shy of 3km's. Cody kept laughing at me as I tried to keep up with him. Turns out I am VERY dependent on the little tracks in the snow. Seemed like everytime those tracks disappeared, I was near to doing the splits. Somehow though I kept it together and only managed to fall 3 times...one of which was totally Cody's fault. Stopped in front of me while I was coming down a 'hill'...ok, a ditch. But still. First fall of the ski. The second and third were just my lack of skill...but it was all fun. And Cody was pretty patient with me the whole time. Stopping every now and then so I could catch up. Charlie loved it too! After that, we just hung out in the cabin thing and sat by a fire, visiting, while Charlie played with all the other little ones. It was a good day.

We are heading back out there on Wednesday for a night...hopefully we'll be able to do some more skiing. I actually quite enjoy it!

SAD's

Seasonal affective disorder is a cyclic, seasonal condition. This means that signs and symptoms come back and go away at the same time every year. Usually, seasonal affective disorder symptoms appear during late fall or early winter and go away during the sunnier days of spring and summer. Fall and winter seasonal affective disorder (winter depression)
Winter-onset seasonal affective disorder symptoms include:

■Depression ..... check
■Hopelessness ..... check
■Anxiety
■Loss of energy ..... check
■Social withdrawal ..... check
■Oversleeping ..... i wish
■Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed ..... check
■Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates ..... check (but could be due to being all prego and stuff)
■Weight gain ..... check (but is due to being all prego and stuff)
■Difficulty concentrating and processing information ..... possibly ;)
(mayoclinic.com)

I think I have SAD's. Maybe not super extreme. But it usually hits me around February. When winter seems like it will never end. And this winter seems to have been around an awful long time. And so cold! I'll go outside if it's cold out, and there is something worth doing...but it's been so dang cold, I want nothing to do with it. I just coop up inside. I think the harder part this winter is that I have nowhere to set up my crafty things. Which is usually what I hunker down and do in the winter. Sew, scrapbook, make cards...I have no space for that right now. Our basement is in disarray. My sewing machine is tucked away. My sewing supplies are tucked away somewhere else. My scrapbooking things are in plastic bins burried under boxes of books...

I've just been bored. I know I need to make more of an effort to get out and do things...I just don't. Maybe I just don't care to try, or plain ol' just don't care. I feel that way sometimes.

For example, the church is heading out to Camp Arnes after the service today for some outdoor activities. My first reaction. No. I don't want to go. I don't like big events, I don't like being cold, I don't...

I know it'll be great when I get there. I know I'll have fun. I know Charlie will love it. (That boy did not inherit my dislike for cold) I know it will be a good day with our church family. I know that. But I just can't seem to get excited about it.

Cody says I've got the SAD's. Treatment can be light therapy. Perhaps a tanning bed? I know they are bad for you...but they are so warm and bright...

But I can't...I'm prego. No tanning bed when you're prego.

Lord, help me.