sad...

i hadn't even had the joy of telling people that i was pregnant yet.
but i was...just about 8 weeks.
we lost the baby this weekend.
i don't really know how to put in words what i'm feeling. there is definitely a deep sense of loss for this little baby that i will never meet. my heart hurts at the thought of that. i don't even know if it was a little boy or girl...
cody and i were very excited about adding to our family...charlie and this little one would have been 18 months apart. it would have been a busy household, but that's what i've always dreamed of...lots of little ones running around.
i went through a wide mix of emotions...i was mad at God, i was at peace, i was mad again, i was sad, i was trying to figure out the reason why, i was blaming myself, i was blaming God, i was all over the place...
but at the end of the day...i suppose i am at peace. there is no reason why this happened. i know God is good.
i'm sure it will be hard when this little one's due date comes around...which would have been march 16.

To do...

1. hem kitchen curtains
2. buy curtain rod for kitchen and office
3. make curtains for office
4. finish dress for wedding
5. clean the toys that were in the tub when charlie decided to take a crap
6. wash, dry and put away dishes
7. clean everywhere and everything
8. pack for ontario
9. find an umbrella stroller...anyone have one i can borrow for a week?
10. get a massage
11. pedicure? i think so...
12. go to zoo with cody and charlie
13. get bloodwork done...boo urns....
14. make 2 wedding cards
15. withdraw cash to put in wedding cards
16. bring in my serger to be fixed
17. decorate church for friend's wedding
18. find a job
19. complain about finding a job...i kinda wish mat leave could go on forever...
20. finish my book
21. water neighbours plants...any ideas on how often outdoor plants need to be watered? i don't have a yard...

ugh...

crying baby + no latte + tired mama = rough day.

charlie awoke from his morning nap about 45 minutes earlier than he should have due to the ruckus being caused by the downstairs landlords. he woke up at 9:40am. it is now 11:40am. he's been this whole time.

on the bright side, we are going to have an early lunch and he's going to be put back to bed.

i think i need a me day. a day to get my act together. i feel like i've been going none stop since the beginning of july. i realize that is not that long of a time to be going none stop, since it's barely the end of july. but i am so tired from it all.

i spent the first week of july out in minnesota, i spend the following few days cramming out some camp sessions, then i spent a week out at camp. i'll be home now for another week, then i'm heading out to ontario for my cousins wedding. after that i'll be home for a week, then out to minnesota again for family cabin time. and then summer will pretty much be over.

i miss my carefree summers. i wouldn't change the crabby baby for anything in the world. but i do miss those good ol' days.

I have to speak at camp this year. Okay, I don't actually have to...technically, they asked me and I said yes. So, really, I can't complain.
But I'm going to a little bit anyways...
I don't wanna do it...okay, that's not totally true. I'm half-excited about the challenge. But, I have not been feeling very inspired. I sit in front of my computer, bible in hand, and stare blankly. I don't have much time left...camp starts on Sunday. And today, in case anyone has lost track, is Tuesday...I think.
I've been having such a hard time finding some good quality time to sit and ponder all this. I have escaped to Starbucks this morning in an attempt to "work". Instead, I am blogging.
It's a good thing I am a practiced procrastinator...or else I'd be in trouble...

To work, or not to work...

NOT TO WORK! YAY!
Cody and I have made the decision that I will stay home again next year with Charlie. I'm SO happy about that. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and not have to send my kids to daycare, and I get to!!! I'm sure things will be a bit tighter financially, but in the end, we decided that it will be worth it. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For awhile now, I had been feeling like I had to go to work in the fall, when all I actually felt that I should be doing, is staying home. And now that weight is lifted! I'm so, so happy about this decision!
YAY!

In case any of you were wondering...

These are things that I like and that I am thankful for. I don't think I think of these things too often, and I've decided it is important for me to remember them. And if it's important for me to remember them, it's obviously important for you to read about them. Just jokes...

1. My family. Immediate, extended and in-lawed. Like them all. Thankful for them all.
2. Being a mom. Bestest, most exhausting job I've done yet. Like it. Thankful for it.
3. Having a place to live. Mostly like it. Thankful for it.
4. Spring showing up on time. Definitely like it. Definitely thankful for it.
5. Coke. What's not to like? What's not to be thankful for? Cody bought me some coke the other day...he bought the pint-sized cans...not sure if he's trying to tell me something...either way, go coke!
6. Home-made, bbq'd hamburgers.
7. Sunshine!
8. Sunday morning starbucks.
9. Good discussions.
10. Our MTS cable was extended an extra 6 months at the trial 6 month price.
11. Crafting. Of any kind. Specifically card making and sewing.
12. A good hair cut. Which sadly, my hair stylist quit...I'm open to suggestions.
13. Beach days.
14. Quiet nights at home.
15. Lazy days with friends.
16. Finding the perfect dress. (I didn't buy it though...)
17. Grocery shopping.
18. Any kind of shopping.
19. Good friends.
20. Good books.
21. God's faithfulness.
22. Working on a project/craft and having it turn out exactly how I hoped.
23. Watching my kid try and use a book to stand up.
24. Fresh cut flowers.

I'm sure there is tons more that I like and am thankful for. But for now, I'm done listing.

Good times.

It was just another Thursday morning to me. Cody left at around 8:30 to meet up with a friend for breakfast. Charlie and I were playing. Then the phone rings. Cody's breakfast plans were cancelled...I had ten minutes to get myself and Charlie ready to go; he was going to take us for breakfast instead! Whoo hoo!
Ten minutes later, I was nowhere near ready (poo incident...Charlie, not me), when Cody came in with a new plan. We were going to Grand Forks for the night! Whoo hoo indeed!
So we packed up and away we went. We spent the day shopping at Target, playing with Charlie in the kiddie pool and enjoying some quality time together! It was wonderful. The next day, we went to the mall and shopped. (Sidenote: Cody spent WAY more than me...a little fact that I am quite proud of!)

Yay for impromptu trips to the states.
Yay for the return of Cody's spontanaity. (sp?)