One of the things I am most afraid of is that I will be like my grandma. Even scarier...I think I can be at times.

I had such a great day today...finalized the food aspect of the wedding, spent some good time with Cody, spent some time with the flower girl, finally found some good black pants, I finished knitting a toque...it was a great day.

Then I get home, and it's like a switch turns off in me. All of a sudden I'm all down and depressed sounding/looking, I don't want to do anything, I'm short with people whom I love...I really don't know what it is that comes over me.

I think part of it is that I'm scared to move out of my home. I've lived here for 23 years; I don't know how to leave this place, leave this town, leave my neighbours, leave my family. I don't know how to live in the city, where it's loud and unfamiliar, where I don't know my neighbours. I don't know how to leave this place that has meant so much to me.

All the wedding plans are coming along great, and everything is pretty much done, and honestly, I'm not at all stressed about the wedding. I'm a home body. I'm fully aware of that. I think the whole "moving out" is affecting me in more ways than I know.

A lot of changes are happening within 2 weeks of one another...I'm overwhelmed...